This year I have a lot to be thankful for; mostly mundane things, for instance I’m thankful when I smashed my toe that it didn’t fall off to spite me for thunking it so thoroughly. Or how thankful I am that everything I’ve managed to set fire to at work, has been contained in an oven, and was relatively easy to extinguish.
     But the main thing I’m thankful for is my latest addition to my pile of friends (yes it’s a pile, maybe they like it that way, don’t be so judgmental).  I’m very thankful that in January of this year (2013) I met my favorite rhino/mermaid Farrah Yarwood.
   Let me back up; in January I received a job in dietary at a nursing facility very close to my house (and the best one there is) (ever), and met Farrah who trained me to be a dietary aide. I was so confused after that day of training I wanted to cry. Luckily I got trained by others so I didn’t mess up too terribly (or cry into someone’s chocolate milk). I’m pretty sure it was the second day knowing her that she turned to me and said: “would you want to be my friend if I was a rhino?” To which I replied: “fucking right I’d ride you to the bar and shout ‘one shot for me and an extra for my flipping RHINO!!'” And it’s been love ever since.
   One day I dragged my husband out to the local bar because he “had to meet this amazingly nice girl that works with me.” Farrah ran up to greet him shouting (drunkenly) “YOUR MOTHER’S A BITCH!” To which he got offended and she proceeded to apologize the rest of the evening for (whilst I laughed uproariously and tried to pass off as a cough) (didn’t work by the way).  After his encounter we decided we should adopt Farrah as our third child (or sisterwife ) so she became my bestfriend-sisterwife-daughter! (Pennsylvania can be as bad as west Virginia y’all).
   Farrah and I have come up with multiple inside jokes relating to our awesome dancing ability, our cooking skills, and other things we do that’s awesome and may end up hurting us. (Or catching on fire) (indeed our dance moves are sick enough to be flammable).  We even wrote a whole new version of the night before Christmas: t’was the night before Christmas and all through the facility, not a creature was stirring, not even a pushpa. The cookies were set by the oven with care, the smell of burning plastic filled the air, and that’s how we knew team feather was there!
  I’ve fallen in love with Farrah’s little quirks, like how when her social anxiety acts up she will just spout the first thing that comes to her mind, like “so, one time  I was head butted by a goat and I bled internally!” And I’m confident she loves mine too! I think.
  Life tosses us some hard balls (sometimes it tosses lawnchairs as well), but sometimes it tosses us a blessing (or a rhino)! And I’m forever grateful to whatever is up there for letting Farrah come into my life. She makes up for a whole lot of lawnchairs.


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